Thursday, March 5, 2009

Politicians Vs. Entertainers

Suggested by human being, this one pits phony sleazeball against phony sleazeball. Politicians run for office and entertainers run for mass-marketed DVDs and CDs, but they're both paid to lie in front of a camera.
Put on your fake smiles, kiss a few babies, and flip off a few paparazzi, because we're going to find out Who's More Awesome.

Fighting: Politicians. Hands down. Why? Because there's no one more likely to fight dirty than a politician. An entertainer would spend the whole fight making sure their make up didn't get messed up, while the politician pulled out rabbit punches, elbows, knees to the junk, and the knives he snuck past the ref. Point one for the people who control our lives.

Racing: Again, an easy one. There's no fitness requirement for politiking, but to act in major motion pictures, you have to be in such good shape that it's actually unhealthy, and one way to get there is to run more than Forest Gump. Entertainers tie it up.

Chess: Not so fast Brangelina and your million and a half babies, because as often as you think of smoothies and face lifts, politicians think of clever and conniving strategies. The men and women in suits take this one. Point 2 for the politicians.

Swimsuit: Okay, go back and read the racing section. So as much as we all want to see Nancy Pelosi gone wild, this one goes to the entertainers, who get their second point.

Pie Eating: There's a certain aggression about most politicians that would carry over perfectly into the kind of aggressive eating you see in a pie eating competition. Plus, these guys and gals go to events full of food all the time, so they must be pretty good at eating a lot. Thus they take their third point.

Archery: There are tons of movies containing bad-ass archery: 300, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, The Lord of the Rings, and of course the Disney cartoon version of Robin Hood, to name a few. But how often do politicians take the podium, and fire a dozen burning arrows into the roof of their opponent's cottage? Not often enough. And you know, maybe if they did, we wouldn't have such a shitty economy. Everyone knows rebuilding burned-down cottages creates jobs. Anyway, points go to the entertainers who tie it up at 3s.

Wine Tasting: At those events where the politicians get their eating practice, they also work on their drinking skills. And hey, if you were a politician, you'd drink, too. With a depressing job as their motivation, the politicians take their fourth point and win it.

Although the votes may have been rigged and there are a few hanging chads, the politicians slapped those pretty-boy entertainers around some and came out on top and in charge.
Upcoming competitions: Cats Vs. Dogs, Balrog, Vs. Shai-Hulud, Republicans Vs. Democrats (it had to happen sooner of later), Cake Vs. Pie, The Jolly Green Giant Vs. The Hulk, The Sasquatch Vs. The Abominable Snowman, Ferrets Vs. Poseidon.
If you have a suggestion, leave a comment, and I'll tell you Who's More Awesome.

(flickr photo The White House by cliff1066;
(flickr photo holllywood sign from my roof by xero79;


  1. I had something intelligent to say, then my eyes flipped past Robin Hood: Men in Tights, and now all I have for you is a confession about my deep love for Mel Brooks and Dom DeLuise.

  2. Mel Brooks is amazing and nothing, I repeat nothing, bad can ever be said about Dom DeLuise. Or anyone named Dom, for that matter.

  3. Ferrets Vs. Poseidon? I'm so confused...and yet so intrigued.

  4. Florida! I want a recount!

    Also, I keep not seeing you've posted new ones till days after you have and I don't know why, so sorry it keeps taking me so long to get round to reading them.

  5. Oh no worries at all. I've been even worse about keeping up with my blogs, including yours, so we're both guilty of blog tardiness.

  6. Stunning!

    you are good at both politics and sociopsychology...

    'but they're both paid to lie in front of a camera.'

    and the comparisons and contrasts were just floodlights of truth...
    you teach while you make us laugh...

    loved that point in the Archery section about economy...

    and thanks for answering the crow's question... now i know more... can see better...

    can i ask for more? greedy crow, eh?

    poets vs. liars


  7. I like that suggestion. Where do you draw the line, and if the lying a poet does the same as an outright liars lie. We'll put it to the test.