No, this has nothing to do with an indie rock band from Sacramento or the number 3.14, although maybe I'll pit the guys who wrote "The Distance" and a never ending number against each other sometime soon. Considering some of the weird requests I get on here, it's very possible.
But this one is more logical: a show down at high noon between the two most famous sweet and delicious dessert pastries of the Western world.
Put your diet on hold and grab a fork and napkin so that we can dig into this one and find out Who's More Awesome.
Fighting: I have no idea why I think this, and I really can't explain it at all, but cakes would fight dirty. You know it and I know it. They just seem like they'd be the kind of pastries to throw rabbit punches and knees to the groin, while a pie would play by the rules and be done for in no time. Point one for cakes based on completely illogical reasoning.
Chess: But all the time and careful consideration that goes into pie making and all that painstaking work on the crust is emblematic of a desert that thinks about its each and every move. Pie takes it's first point.
Swimsuit: Sexiness is cake's domain. When was the last time you saw a stripper jump out of a pie? Never, that's when. But a cake? You'd be hard-pressed to find a cake that didn't come with a stripper. Okay, maybe not, but you catch my drift. The cake gets it's second point with almost no effort. A piece of cake.
Archery: There's something old-fashioned about archery and there's something old-fashioned about pie. One says "the weapon native peoples of America used centuries ago to defended against their destruction by the European settlers" and the other says "the food European settlers ate after destroying the native peoples." While cake says "weddings and comfort food," neither of which blend well with archery. Easy as pie, it's all tied up again.
Wine Tasting: Cake seems fitting for a wine tasting, but pies are filled with fruits whose flavors are abundant in many wines. A pie would easily be able to recognize a wine's tastes. Point 3 for the pie.
Racing: The problem here should be obvious. Neither of these two move. At all. Ever. That is, except for this cake. And this cake. And definitely this cake. And it's tied up at 3 each.
Pie Eating: We had to end here, didn't we? A pie in a pie eating contest. As much as I love pie, I can't in good conscience give this contest to pie, because in no way do I promote cannibalism. It's disgusting and shameful...that is unless I'm really hungry, and there's nothing else around, and you look like you might go well with some Chipotle sauce. The cake wins, 4-3.
I don't care how American apple pie is, because this time the dessert of weddings and birthdays all across the nation is victorious. Let them eat cake! And take that goddamn pie out of the sky.
Also, if you liked this post, check out this blog. It's good shit, trust me, and it's also topical considering today's winner.
Coming soon: Republicans Vs. Democrats, The Jolly Green Giant Vs. The Hulk, The JLA Vs. The Avengers, The Sasquatch Vs. The Abominable Snowman, Ferrets Vs. Poseidon, Hollywood Vs. Bollywood, and Men Vs. Women.
Want to see two awesome things face off? Leave a comment and I'll tell you Who's More Awesome.
(flick photo Chocolate Fudge Cake by tracyhunter; http://www.flickr.com/photos/tracyhunter/110294234/in/photostream/)
(flickr photo Apple raspberry pie by Caitlinator; http://www.flickr.com/photos/caitlinator/2971879868/)